Farewell, New Mexico. The war isn’t going well and nowhere on Earth is safe from the US president’s favourite displacement activity

Busy times for crayon-wielding US president Donald Trump, Earth’s most tireless freelance cartographer, who at the weekend celebrated the US labouring under the highest diesel prices in its history while his “two-week” Iran war edges into its seventh month with a social media spree in which he pushed renaming New Mexico as New America.

In some ways, it was a surprise to see Trump go for merely rebranding a state at this point, given that it was only so recently that he declared: “If you think about it, we have a gulf, and we have a lake. Now all we need is an ocean.” This is believed to be a reference to the Gulf of America, formerly – and indeed currently, in every meaningful sense – the Gulf of Mexico. It was also a nod to Lake America, as precisely no one calls Lake Ontario despite Trump supposedly retitling it by executive order last month, in another fit of pique over his trade war with Canada. Candidates for this heavily trailed American Ocean clearly include the Pacific and the Atlantic – though why the other oceans should be locationally ineligible increasingly feels unclear. At this rate, geography exams in the US are also about to get a whole lot easier.

Marina Hyde is a Guardian columnist

What a Time to be Alive! by Marina Hyde (Guardian Faber Publishing, £20). To support the Guardian, order your signed copy at guardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply.

Venice film festival: Alex Gibney interviews former colleagues, wives, the trillionaire’s father and a CG avatar in this absorbing documentary

‘Elon is a nuke.” The speaker is Ashley St Clair, a former conservative Maga influencer and one of Elon Musk’s former girlfriends-slash-baby mommas.

She is a fascinating expert witness in Alex Gibney’s four-hour epic study of the world’s richest and dullest man: the overgrown brattish South-African-born trillionaire plutocrat, ersatz visionary and Trump courtier who owns Tesla cars, SpaceX rocket ships, Starlink satellites on which nation states’ military capabilities are increasingly reliant, X (formerly Twitter) which shapes the collective “incel” id of billions and GrokAI whose vast server farms daily guzzle oceans of precious water.

The chocolate boxiest of all the impressionists has long had his haters – even Manet thought he was rubbish. Little surprise then that the thieves ditched two works on the way out

Stealing from the Louvre you can understand. I mean, who wouldn’t want a Géricault or Leonardo to hang in the downstairs loo? Same for the Musée d’Orsay too, even the Pompidou – they’re French museums absolutely rammed full of stunning art, all just begging to be audaciously heisted. But the Renoir Museum? It’s hard to see why anyone would bother.

As French art fans reel at the news that two Renoir paintings were stolen from the Cagnes-sur-Mer museum that bears his name this week, the rest of the art world has been saying really? Him? Renoir? He’s … awful. It’s like doing a heist of flares in the era of skinny jeans.

Experts helped guide weather scenes in Pressure – a film depicting dramatic buildup to 1944’s D-day landings

Dressed in a Royal Air Force uniform and sporting a trim moustache, Andrew Scott looks slightly queasy – as well he might. Behind him is a huge map of the Channel, and in front of him is Brendan Fraser, looming with a request: “I need a forecast,” he says.

Starring in the film Pressure, based on a true story, Scott plays the meteorologist Gp Capt James Stagg – the man who must tell Gen Eisenhower – played by Fraser – whether conditions will be suitable for the D-day landings scheduled to take place on 5 June 1944. But a large storm is approaching the Normandy coast.

The former A-Team legend tells his extraordinary story with endless charisma, but this show is so rushed that they even misspell his name. No wonder he isn’t happy with it

Here’s a question: when was the last time you had as good a time as when you were watching The A-Team as a child? I know.

Many of the best moments of the wholly unexpected documentary Mr T: I Pity the Fool recall his legendary turn as the soldiers of fortunes’ genius engineer, pugilist and instant fan favourite (not that we used the phrase then) BA Baracus. According to Mr T, the show was built around him; when you see now how well it plays to his talents and charisma – a proper tough guy, but shot through with warmth and humour, giving a perfectly outsize performance and never overplaying his hand – it makes a lot of sense, however much it would annoy George “Hannibal” Peppard to hear it.

The masterful ​Harrow MC behind the year’s funniest, most inventive UK rap debut explains how his parents sparked his ravenous outlook – and why he’s wrestling his peers

A few Guinnesses into an interview in his local Irish boozer, and 26-year-old Harrow rapper Kibo is cooking. We’re talking football. As a kid, he preferred playing Fifa Street – where ordinary players backflip off walls to score incomprehensible bicycle kicks – to regular realistic Fifa. “If I’m gonna play a video game, I want to do some shit I can’t do in real life,” he says. He’s drawn to similarly miraculous footballers: Balotelli, Drogba in his Chelsea days, Ronaldinho and his dad’s favourite, Eric Cantona: “Oh God, with his collar popped, looking like Kanye West?” Kibo then recites Cantona’s 2019 Uefa president’s award speech – a mash-up of King Lear and philosophical musings on war and science – to near perfection.

Magic is at the heart of Kwengletarianism, “the idea of being in a place that’s very grey, and trying to find a prismatic iridescence in it”, that underpins Kibo’s sensational album Kwengletaria: Ragamyff. (Cantona? “He’s a Kwengletarian to the nth degree.”) During his long rise through London’s rap scene, canonised by co-signs from Skepta, JME and Dave, Kibo has become a rare MC from Harrow, the town that produced Kate Nash and Jai Paul but no rappers of note. “It’s awesome,” he says of its lack of rap tradition, “a complete blank slate” to be as imaginative as he wants. Kwengletaria finds the myth in the mundane: on the track Bakerloo Dragon, a normal tube journey becomes a cruising broken-beat roller aboard a fire-spitting Bakerloo line train. I tell him my train to Harrow was one of these flame-graffitied dragons. “But did you get any sparks?” he asks enthusiastically. “You get sparks after Stonebridge Park!”

Israel’s foreign minister, Gideon Saar, earlier claimed that the UK was ‘systemically working against the state of Israel’

• UK accuses Israeli ‘terrorists’ of ethnic cleansing in West Bank with government backing

The Liberal Democrats say they have been granted a Commons urgent question today about the latest Argentinian threats to the Falkland Islands. A Foreign Office minister will be responding at about 12.30pm.

Isaac Herzog, the Israeli president, has said that Britain will be “on the wrong side of history” if it goes ahead with plans to ban trade with the illegal settlements on the West Bank.

Later today, we expect to see headlines announcing certain British trade sanctions on Israeli settlements in Judea and Samaria.

If this happens – and other nations may join – I believe it will prove to be a grave miscalculation, a decision that will fall on the wrong side of history.

Details passed to Kent police after people heard in pub boasting about going to Dover to ‘attack Muslims’

Police were told the night before far-right agitators blocked roads into Dover that those involved had converged on a village 18 miles away and planned to use it as a launchpad, it has emerged.

People in Preston-next-Wingham told of how hundreds of men had started to arrive in the village of just over 920 residents on Friday afternoon and in effect “took over” the village.

Mira Lozi says quiet diplomacy has failed to free Rami Naimi who was first seized in Dubai in 2017

A British woman has spoken out for the first time about the alleged abduction, torture and coercion of her husband at the hands of Saudi authorities, after nine years of “failed” quiet diplomacy.

The businessman Rami Naimi was first abducted in Dubai in 2017 on his return from a trip to Australia with his father. After being tortured, he was released the following year.

At least 600 flights cancelled as airlines call for overhaul of ATC system after third incident in as many years

• UK airport disruption: what are your rights?

Hundreds of thousands of air passengers had flights delayed or cancelled after another UK air traffic control technical glitch kept planes grounded for hours on Tuesday.

Airlines demanded action after a “technical issue” at the air traffic control services provider Nats caused the third large-scale stoppage in just over three years.